Heart Line
by Rabble Rouser
Summary: My fanciful attempt to explain the three dirtiest words in Trek History: "Captain, I'm frightened."


Heart Line

by Rabble Rouser

DATE:  January 31, 2003

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: This story is a very belated response to Djinn's Fortune Telling Challenge on the _Enterprise and Beyond_ list. Many thanks to Djinn for the challenge, the encouragement, and especially, the beta.

© 2003 Rabble Rouser

v v v

  
Uhura ran around the _Enterprise_'s circular track. The smooth, cold metal of the deck felt so different to her bare feet than the dirt track at the academy or home. One of the few good things about being on gamma shift was that it was possible to exercise late in the ship's night when she was the only one in the gym. You never heard even the faint thrum of the engines here. The only sound was the rhythmic pounding of her own feet, of her own even breathing. That and the featureless gray walls and floors rushing by her put her into a hypnotic state. She always ran full out, until she felt the burn in her lungs and legs, was left sweating and feeling a heady euphoria. Her friend Jack had said that he did his best thinking when running, but what she liked about it is that for a while she could stop thinking, could be pure body without mind. She was never frightened when she was running.  
  
She wasn't happy to see Captain Kirk and first officer Mitchell walk into the gym and begin warming up. What were those two doing in the gym at this hour? Given their shifts, they should both be sleeping. She felt annoyed her private sanctuary was being invaded. Besides, both men made her nervous even if for different reasons. The captain because he was the captain, and she a very junior communications officer under Lieutenant Alden. It didn't help that Alden never seemed pleased with her and she wondered what he might be saying about her to the captain.  
  
Mitchell? Well, he made her nervous because he was Mitchell and unsettling at the best of times. Strangely attractive and disturbing by turns. She was new to the _Enterprise_ and even a year after her promotion she found the broken golden braid denoting her rank of lieutenant, junior grade, ostentatious and gaudy. She couldn't afford to be at odds with the first officer. Nor was it smart to become, well, overly friendly.  
  
Last week when had seen Mitchell in the rec room, she had walked up to him and had playfully asked him to tell her fortune. She had told Mitchell that he had quite a reputation. "Which one?" he had asked waggling his eyebrows. She had almost immediately found herself wishing he had stuck to tarot cards, tea leaves or a dilithium crystal ball.  
  
Mitchell had held her hand palm upwards in his left hand while the thumb of his other hand had stroked the fleshy pad just below her own thumb. Something in the way he was slowly rubbing it had made her shiver and flush with heat at the same time.  
  
"You have a very prominent mount of Venus, a sign of a very sensual nature."  
  
"Now that sounds like a line I've heard in many a bar."  
  
He had held up her hand with his, interlacing their fingers. "Your fingers are smooth in shape and not overly long. You are open to influences, spontaneous, impressionable." Mitchell's voice had been sinuous, insinuating.  
  
"Oh...then how come I'm not impressed? Tell me something I don't know."  
  
He had tugged at her hand and had brought them closer. Her senses had felt overloaded with him near. She had shaken off his spell. She had been in a rec room full of crew and had felt embarrassed and very aware that more than one crewman had been watching their interaction.  
  
She had wiggled her fingers loose and had taken a step back to lean against the wall. He had recaptured her right hand and had traced a fingertip along one line of her palm. "This is your lifeline. And this is your heartline."  
  
"Heartline?"  
  
"The line that shows the direction of your passions. The way the line goes almost straight across your palm..." He had stroked the crease lightly "...means you're destined to be married to your career."  
  
"That would break my mother's heart. I'm on notice she wants many grandchildren from me."  
  
"Well, lets see if we can get a second opinion." He had taken her other hand and had closely examined it. "Ah...see...here the heartline curves upward right to the base of your index finger. You're a caring, romantic, sensitive soul. Devoted and fiercely loyal to a person who could meet your high expectations. Perhaps someone you'll meet in your career."  
  
"Very nice. But I thought you'd tell me about my future."  
  
Mitchell's dark eyes had grown hard, his voice harsh. "It's better not to know." He had leaned close to whisper in her ear. "Stars burn very brightly, but if you get too close you may find you can never, never break away. Do you want to spend your life in orbit only reflecting another's glory? Or even burn up?"  
  
This is silly, she had thought. Like getting some cryptic message from a fortune cookie. Despite that she had felt herself go cold. Gary Mitchell knows things, she'd thought, remembering whispers in the corridors: "Told Number One she was going to buy the farm and the next week...Don't play cards with Mitchell...he always knows who's holding the winning hand...Mitchell can get any woman he wants if he sets himself to it...he knows exactly what a woman wants." She had found herself very aware of his breath hot on her cheek and had felt her own breathing pick up.  
  
So she had said she needed to go to work on encrypting some messages and had left a little too abruptly, a little too visibly unsettled.  
  
And now Mitchell was here, in the gym and she felt nervous under his gaze as he acknowledged her presence with a casual wave of his hand. She slowed and began her cool down. With every minute she lingered, she grew increasingly aware of Mitchell's gaze on her even when she had her back turned. She left, feeling relieved they didn't have to work closely together. Stars, indeed, can blind and burn if you get too close.

  
  
v v v

  
Mitchell grinned at her as she entered the transporter room. "No need to hurry, Nyota. We can't leave without the captain. It'll be nice to have a chance to work closely with you."  
  
"My rank is lieutenant, and I don't recall giving you my first name," she said dryly.  
  
Mitchell put his hand to his heart and stumbled back in mock hurt. "So cold. And I thought we had the beginnings of something profound together."  
  
"Why me, anyway? Why not Alden? Is this your doing?"   
  
"Nope. Probably the captain's doing. He likes to rotate junior people into landing party duty. You get experience and he gets to see if you have potential. I'd like to see if you have potential too."  
  
He delivered the line without any suspicious emphasis but it still made her bristle a bit. "You're impossible." She didn't know whether to smile or slap him.  
  
"Oh, I'm not impossible. I'm easy."   
  
She just shook her head and at that point the captain came in with Doctor Piper and Spock. There was also an ensign in science blues she didn't recognize. Her stomach felt fluttery. She had never had much opportunity before for landing party duty. And under the captain's eyes?  
  
"Lieutenant Uhura?" Kirk said.   
  
She nodded acknowledgment.   
  
"Sorry for the short notice. It seems the Denebians specifically requested you."  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
"Neither do I. They asked for Commanders Spock and Mitchell, and Ensign Kantell as well. They're not interested in me or the good doctor here but we're going anyway."  
  
"The inhabitants of Deneb IV are humanoid, aren't they?" she said.  
  
"They are human, Lieutenant," said Spock. "One of the earliest of Earth colonies established even before the warp five engine. But unlike other inhabitants of the system they have remained aloof before this to Federation overtures."  
  
"Yes, well, that's before the Klingons became active in this sector," Kirk said. "The Klingons do seem to act as a wonderful recruiting tool."  
  
"The one other datum about the original colony that may be relevant is that they consisted of a group of scientists whose lines of research were banned or ignored on 21st century Earth. Particularly genetic and psychic research. I find it of interest they have sent only text messages thus far," said Spock.  
  
"Quaint. Should be interesting," Kirk said. "In spite of these people being human, I want everyone keeping to strict first contact protocols. We don't know what we might find after over two centuries of separation."  
  
They transported into a scene of tranquil beauty both natural and manmade. The oval pool in front of them was so clear and still it acted as a mirror for the gleaming domed structure ahead of them. The rose colored stone the building was composed of reminded Uhura of marble with its smoothness but was shot through with veins of gold and pulsed with an inner light in the almost unbearable brightness of Deneb's sun. She thought that some of the trees lining the path looked like familiar terrestrial varieties. Some of the flowers surrounding them, taller than sunflowers and glinting with metallic specks, had clearly never bloomed on Earth. Yet she would swear those were cherry blossoms on those trees.  
  
 _They are_, a deep, masculine voice said directly into her head. _Though you would not believe the genetic engineering it took to allow them to grow here_. Uhura noted she wasn't the only one who was startled. She could see it in Mitchell's wide smile and Kantell's ashen face, but not in the rest of their party. Kirk and Doctor Piper, taking in their expressions looked at the rest of them strangely, and Spock's face remained impassive.  
  
She caught some movement out of the corner of her eye and turned to see two people moving toward them, one male and one female. They looked like ridiculously ideal figures, almost abstract in their perfection. Both tall, fit, the woman a shapely red head and the man dark and muscular with a face out of her dreams—literally—and that's when she became truly frightened. It was never good when she recognized something from out of her dreams. She heard a wolf whistle in her head in Mitchell's distinctive tones and saw his grin grow wider.  _Nova, that one_.  She was sure he had no idea he was broadcasting his thoughts. She thought of how much of an idiot he looked and saw the smile snap off his face as if he heard her.  
  
"I'm Captain Kirk of the Federation ship _Enterprise_. Who are you?" Kirk said.  
  
They ignored him, faced her and Mitchell. The male mind voice then spoke again to her. "Tell your captain we do not have the means to speak to him. No one in our world has spoken aloud for several generations. The Vulcan needs to stop shielding if he would hear us. And tell your captain and the doctor to beam back up. They will be useless here."  
  
Uhura saw Mitchell pull the captain and doctor aside to explain. Kantell moved closer, speaking to her in a low voice.  
  
"Lieutenant, I think I'm going to be sick. I think I am sick, hallucinating."  
  
Uhura shook her head. "It's a group hallucination then. I hear them too." She felt her skin prickle with what she didn't want to identify as fear. She thought of all the traditions in her family she had dismissed as superstition, the flashes of insight she had discounted as intuition, and above all those most vivid of her dreams...no, she wouldn't think of that now...it was dangerous to think of that now. Dangerous to think of much of anything.  
  
She saw the Captain turn and face the Denebians. "Fine, maybe you can't communicate directly with me. I'm happy to have my officers act as translators. But the doctor and I are not leaving them."  
  
The two figures nodded and led them toward the structure. She picked up her pace to walk beside the captain. "Captain, I'm frightened." Part of her regretted it as soon as she said it, as she always did when she felt compelled to say it.  
  
She waited for the condemnation, for him to say she wasn't acting as befit an officer but it didn't come. Instead he shot her a sympathetic look. "I don't blame you."  
  
She didn't think he fully understood. She didn't want to think about it, let alone explain it. She tried to make her mind blank. She didn't want to focus her thoughts and make them easier for the Denebians to read. But her words were not an expression of emotion. They were a warning.  
  
When they reached the building, the woman stopped Kirk, put a hand up to his cheek. It didn't look like an affectionate gesture. The way the woman looked intently into his eyes and then looked blank, as if focusing on something far away made Uhura feel as if she was reaching within Kirk's mind.  
  
_There is something there, something deep within walls_, she heard in her mind.  
  
"No! Leave him alone." Acting on her instinctive fear, Uhura knocked the woman's hand away.  
  
Kirk swayed a bit and Mitchell and Spock were there immediately beside him, each taking an arm to steady him. Kirk pulled away. "I'm fine."  
  
_I wouldn't have hurt him_. The woman seemed amused at her vehemence.  
  
"Do you really know that? What forcing him open to you might have done?" She saw Doctor Piper look at her as if she was crazy. She felt crazy. "And stay out of my mind." She refused to try responding telepathically. She was worried she would be lost to herself.  
  
 _That would rather defeat the purpose of opening communications between us_, the man responded.  
  
She heard Kantell moan, his head in his hands. "No! No!" he shouted. "I won't listen. I'm not a freak, I'm not a freak." He slid against the wall and curled into himself, his hands hugging his knees, weeping and shaking. Uhura felt rooted to the spot. She didn't know whether to go to the stricken crewman or turn away in embarrassment for him. She saw the captain and Piper bend down. Kirk talked softly to the man and gently urged him to his feet. The doctor took a reading and injected something into him. A tranquilizer, Uhura was betting.  
  
The two walked Kantell between them. When they reached her, Kirk stopped. "I want you and Doctor Piper to take Kantell back to the ship. I'll stay here with Spock and Mitchell."  
  
"I'd like to stay and help, sir." She actually couldn't think of anything she'd like to do less, but it was what she was expected to say, and especially after having said she was frightened, she didn't want him thinking there was any part of her duty she wouldn't do.  
  
"I appreciate the offer, but I'd rather not risk more than one of you. Spock with his ability to shield isn't at risk. Commander Mitchell seems to be doing fine and we probably should have at least one person fully open to this communication. And I seem immune being non-telepathic."  
  
"I wouldn't count on that, sir."  
  
"I don't think they'll try that again. I promise to be careful. Now take care of Kantell for me."  
  
Uhura spent what she felt was the longest and most anxious day of her life waiting for them to return. She found she couldn't sleep or eat until she heard they were back safe and unharmed—even if not completely unchanged. She heard Mitchell was back on board and felt drawn to sickbay, somehow sure he'd be there. She was spooked when she encountered Kantell instead. He was lying on his back in a Sickbay bed, staring at the ceiling and didn't acknowledge her hello. She was startled to hear Kirk's voice.  
  
"Are you looking for someone?"  
  
"Is he going to be okay?"  
  
He drew her away to the next room. "I think it's better not to speak in front of Kantell. We're not sure how much he's aware of. We just don't know. Spock is trying to work with him."  
  
Uhura felt her mouth go dry. She coughed to clear her throat. "Commander Mitchell?"  
  
Uhura let out a breath at his smile. "He'll be fine. Once Doctor Piper is finished poking and prodding him. I wanted to speak to you anyway. I see you've put in for some extended leave?"  
  
"Yes, it's been three years since I've seen any of my family and my sister is on Dantra V, and since Starbase 11 where we're scheduled to be next month is so close, I thought I'd take advantage of that. I'd just be using my accumulated leave."  
  
"I'd like to ask you to cut that visit short somewhat. I can't let my chief of communications stay away for an entire month."  
  
"I don't understand. Lieutenant Alden—"  
  
"—Will be leaving the ship and Starfleet in a couple of months to take a civilian position. You're not afraid of being in charge? In command?"  
  
"No, sir. And I would never let you down. Ask any of my former commanding officers."  
  
"I have. And I looked at your academy record. Outstanding in every way. Professor Levi of the Academy's Communications Department says you're the most gifted student he's ever had. Your thesis in cryptology impresses even Mister Spock and he doesn't impress easily."  
  
"I'm no Hoshi Sato, sir. I don't have that kind of flare for languages."  
  
"That was a different age, Lieutenant. I'm more impressed with the your mastery of the technical aspects. Your expertise in handling the communications console—"  
  
"Frankly, sir, I never got the impression Lieutenant Alden was that happy with my ideas about how to rig that board."  
  
"He wasn't. Mister Scott was. He told me he overheard both of you discussing it and had a rather intense conversation with you about it afterwards. You also have a great quality for someone in a command team. Everyone notes how you reach out to and mentor the younger, less experienced cadets and crew. When you return from your leave, I'd like to slot you into Alden's position as _Enterprise_ Communications Officer."  
  
"I don't have the rank to head communications."  
  
"You will. I can't see Starfleet denying my request that you be made a full lieutenant."  
  
She thought she'd love to see the person who tried to deny James Kirk anything he wanted. There was something very attractive in his focus and persistence. When he was around, things would happen. Although she thought there was only so close anyone would be able to get to him. Anyone serving with him, especially a woman, might try to circle closer, but would then be gently spun away.  
  
"Then I accept."   
  
"Good." He took her hands in both of his. It was a brief contact. Long enough to impress warmth and confidence and then gone before it could hint at intimacy. Just long enough to feel herself captured and put firmly into a properly distant orbit.  
  
"Can I have three weeks?" she couldn't resist asking.  
  
Kirk held up two fingers. "Just two. I want you ready to take over when Alden leaves. And it's a pity you'll be gone that long. We'll be going where no one but the Valiant has ever gone before—right to the galaxy's edge."  
  
At that she smiled and left before she made a fool of herself. Before she could tell him she was frightened.  
  
That night something drew her to Mitchell's quarters. She didn't even have time to press the chime before the door whooshed open—and he invited her in—directly in her mind.  
  
She came in and stood by the grilled divider that separated his office space from the sleeping alcove. He was seated cross-legged on the bed. The only light was from five candles that made his face look eerie in their glow.  
  
"Sorry. A lingering effect that Doc and our resident Vulcan say should soon wear off. Couldn't resist showing off—and checking to see if you were still affected."  
  
"I don't even know what I'm doing here."  
  
"I called you to me."  
  
"What do you want, Commander?"  
  
"Gary. From man to woman." He grinned at her frown, and said, "Okay, from esper to esper. How long have you known?"  
  
"I've never known, not really. I've never had the kind of experience we had down on the planet and I hope I never do again. Just...well...warnings that would kick me in the gut. I'd know not to put my hand in a certain crevice when climbing and then when I got closer saw a snake. I'd know not to put my weight on a limb and when I tested it, it would be rotten. Once I begged my best friend Jack not to go on a trip. I told him I was frightened and he called me silly. He refused to change his plans. His lover was waiting for him on Risa and...well, both he and Andrew were killed there in a boating accident. Or like down on the planet when I knew I had to knock that woman's hand away from the captain."  
  
"Ah, a Cassandra."  
  
"Hardly so momentous. Though it's hard to—"  
  
"—Give fair warning and be dismissed as a hysterical woman."  
  
"I wish you wouldn't do that."  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Read my thoughts."  
  
"I wasn't, my dear. I'm speaking from experience. That feeling must kick you in the gut all too often in Starfleet. Do you dream?"  
  
"Oh, yes."  
  
"You know your own end; you've seen it, haven't you? In dreams too vivid, too tactile to be just dreams." He stood up and came very close, leaning on the wall with a hand. With the other hand he stroked her cheek. She found she couldn't pull away. She needed that touch.  
  
"I'm old. Very old." Her mouth felt as dry as dust. She swallowed and her voice cracked when she went on. "I guess that should be comforting, that I'm so old, that it's so far away in time. But so old I've outlived everyone I care about or who cares much about me. I'm so alone."  
  
"I'm not old. Not old at all. Not much older than I am now." Mitchell brushed a thumb against her lower lip making her shiver.  
  
Ordinarily, Uhura would have pushed away at the gesture. She had rules. First rule: Don't get involved with colleagues who outrank you. Second rule: Don't get involved with a known womanizer unless you're sure he can't touch your heart. Mitchell was disqualified on both counts. But his words spoke to her with an odd resonance. She knew beyond question with her new sensitivity that he believed every word, that it was true, and that he would die soon.  
  
She moved into his arms. "I don't want you to die."   
  
His lips moved against her hair. "Neither do I."  
  
"You could leave. Leave the ship."  
  
"Desert? I can't do that. Besides, if I leave, Jim will die. I sensed that for the first time on the planet. The Denebians, they have a way of amplifying whatever sensitivity you have. Somehow staying will prevent that, she won't grow into what she otherwise would undetected and unchecked if I'm there."  
  
"She?"  
  
"I can't see her. She's formless, but I know it's a she."  
  
"Have you told the captain?"  
  
He shook his head. "Jim's followed some of my crazy hunches before, but this is so vague. And I can tell he's spooked by what happened on Deneb."  
  
"I hope he's worth it."   
  
"He...I don't know how to explain it. I'm not the most self-sacrificing person, you know? Yet there were these rodent-like things on Demoris. I took one of their poisoned darts meant for him. Didn't hesitate. Just threw myself in the way. He has a way of getting to people."  
  
She remembered her recent talk with Kirk. "Yes, I can see that," she said slowly. She looked at Mitchell a long time, then making her decision, reached up to take his head into her hands and kiss him firmly. When she broke the kiss, she saw a haunted look in those dark unfathomable eyes. A look more uncertain than she would have expected.  
  
"So...Gary. Do I need to issue an engraved invitation?"  
  
A small bark of laughter erupted from him and then he was kissing her. His lips were on her closed eyelids, moving down her throat gently, his hands roaming in a way that was far less tentative and very practiced. They backed up to the bed dropping their clothes as they went. She felt the rush in her body as he found all the places that left her shuddering and feeling a heady euphoria. What she loved is that for a while she could stop thinking, could be pure body and yet not untouched in mind or heart. She wasn't frightened as long as she could lose herself in him.  
  
The End

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